The first time I saw this face on a Free the Chi Chihuahua Liberation Front post, I knew he was meant for our family. From the animal control, to the loving care at Animal Synergy for a couple of months, I watched and waited as Carla of Animal Synergy worked her healing magic. When Really Literally a.k.a. RL a.k.a. Tío Benito a.k.a. Beni was stable enough to join us, it was like a long lost family member had returned home. He became the keystone of our misfit family, the inspiration of this account, and was one of the sweetest most sensitive souls I’ve met. Despite 15+ years of a hard life he didn’t deserve, he was the strongest of the group, but had timidness which instantly won you over. In the 1 year and 1 month we were gifted with Benito, he was cherished. His last day in May of 2017 was spent strong, enjoying life, sunbathing, darting across the yard, peeing on any vertical surface, and being my champion eater. He was letting us cuddle him a bit closer and standing up to Captain Choli’s power struggle like never before. Beni left more vibrant and confident than I had ever seen him. I can’t think of a more rewarding experience. It was my honor to love Beni.
There is no sugar-coating it, the passing of Benito was incredibly painful. It’s not so much that I didn’t understand my time with him was limited, but I did really struggle with is how sudden it was. I wrestled with myself over how it happened. I was humbled because I thought I was tuned in to my animals needs. After dinner that night, I was in another room for an hour or so, and when I returned I found him in his bed, between Paloma and Mo, gone. I second-guessed his final meal. He often coughed on food. With no teeth and a missing lower jaw, coughing when eating was nothing new, but did I miss something? Maybe he did brace himself a little differently. Maybe if there was something in his throat, it didn’t dislodge as I thought? Maybe I could have investigated it closer? Were his last moments in distress? My expectation had been to with him until his final moments, and things did not go as planned. There are certainly lessons in all of that, and for now I choose to believe that perhaps Beni slipped away on his own terms, as he wanted it, knowing me better than I know myself.
Fast-forward 5 months and missing Benito still hurts. I don’t regret a second with him. My grief has evolved. I’m celebrating his memory, forcing myself though the pain to watch his videos, and feeling grateful that I continue to learn from his life. I’m also comforted by seeing the account, created to share his joy, continues to do so.
And on a personal note…
Since the first days with MoMo, I have loved recording the adventures of my Chihuahua crew, but my apprehension with social media always kept me from sharing them. It wasn’t until I adopted Benito, who had a loyal following from his Animal Synergy family, that the responsibility to continue sharing the joy he brought outweighed my hesitation. Both personally and professionally I’ve felt the pressure to participate in social media, only to find it leaving me feeling pretty down. “When you compare you despair” – a helpful phrase to remember (shout out to Rachel Alvarado), but it was something I couldn’t quite keep in check. I found following accounts like @thedodo, @tunameltsmyheart and @wolfgang2242 became a welcomed diversion from looking at all I wasn’t doing in my life. So, animal centric accounts are how I made peace with social media, and life is better (for me) that way.
So, in just a year, Really Litterally Tío Benito, a 15 year old, half jawed, Chihuahua from the streets arrived and changed my life. It was a gift to love him, and he taught me so much. He touched the lives of many, and connected me with wonderful people. He helped me to realize my purpose; this legacy of his continues.
⭐️Jem
